Monday, June 25, 2007

Grandma and the Convict

Someone sent me this and I thought it was so cute, so I decided to share it. Some of you have probably seen but maybe some have not!

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control' and ' enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.

This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the Computer........ They are the greatest!!
***********************************************
Okay.....now a joke...........

An escaped convict breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.

14 Comments:

Blogger Nicole said...

Thankyou for your beautiful and kind words at the passing of my Poppy. I thankyou for your friendship and how you gave your heart to me so freely.

xox Nicole

nicoleelswyk.blogspot.com

9:05 PM  
Blogger PEA said...

LOL omigosh, too funny Rachel!! hehe It's past my bedtime and now I'll be going to bed giggling! lol xoxo

9:09 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

You can find grandma at myspace. hehehe

That joke was so, so funny...I didn't expect that ending and now like Pea, I can go to bed giggling.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

:-)

Yes, that needs to be updated, Sandy.
BTW, he's not in myspace either!

My pictures should work, try recycling/refreshing.
..

9:36 PM  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

LOL- That's probably a fear my family have for me....(The computer thing, I mean!!!)

As for the other...very considerate-that husband! ;)


Junie Rose

9:07 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

Great chuckles : ) Thanks!

10:12 AM  
Blogger "Early Bird" said...

You are a NUT!!
:D

11:31 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

Great jokes Rachel!
xo

1:07 PM  
Blogger Norma said...

After my trials and tribulations trying to set up my blog..........got to tell you this is one grandma of two who really fits this to a T! LOL Who told you????? ROTFLOL!

1:25 PM  
Blogger Mountain Mama said...

Just this morning I got the Computer swallowed grandma funny in an e-mail. Pretty cute.
As for the escaped convict...HAW-HAW-HAW!

3:46 PM  
Blogger Sonia said...

Poor Grandma! LOL! Funny jokes, Rachel!

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh man I started choking I was laughing so hard.

DayByDay

9:29 AM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...Cute joke!
And Grandma disappearing into the computer has a ring of truth to it, you know? The amount of time I spend on my computer...One could say I have disappeared into it---in a way! (LOL)
Very cute poem, Rachel.

Thank you sooooo very much for the darling cute funny card, my dear....It is really adorale!
The Chocolate will be on the table tomoorow!...YUMMMMMMM!

7:32 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Hitonious joke - "butt" funny too!!! :-)

I think computers and internet access have opened up a big world to many housebound grannies and many other people who would otherwise be bored every day.

9:45 AM  

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