Saturday, May 31, 2008

Saturday Funnies and Sunday Sign

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and
Accidentally cut off the tail of her cat
Which was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over
To WAL-MART!
Why WAL-MART?
HELLOOOOOOOOO!
WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!**********************************************************

Red Skelton’s receipe for the perfect marriage.

If you remember Red, You will enjoy these.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric Bread-maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" … So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
******************************************

SUNDAY SIGN

748 Comments:

Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I enjoyed the funnies and the sign.
That mud one gave me a chuckle because whenever I put on a facial mask, my hubby looks at me and shivers really big as if he's just seen a monster or something. Somehow, it's always funny to me even after all these years.
I've never had to re-tail any pets at Walmart before, but now I know where to go if I need to.

6:12 PM  
Blogger Diane J. said...

I love Red Skelton. His Clem Kadiddlehopper character was one of my favorites. ;o)

Have a blessed Sunday, Rachel.

Love you, my friend,

Diane

6:34 PM  
Blogger Ralph said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7:07 PM  
Blogger Ralph said...

Red Skelton - that kind of ages us doesn't it. I don't rememberr him.
Okay. . . .maybe I do.

Good sign too.
Ralph

7:10 PM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Those sound like Red Skelto, don't they? I always found this kind of humor amusing and so very clever....Comedyiens have changed so much over the last 50+ years....In many way Skelron's humor was so much more innocent, though rather mean in it's way....

Great Church Sign, Rachel!

Thanks so very much my dear for your sweet caring thoughts....these are difficult days....In many ways Hanna was like a sister to me...Such an endearing person, too....! She endeared herself to just about everybody who met or knew her....Even The Paramedics...lol! Now THAT is really somrthing, isn't it?

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Linda in Erie said...

Great church sign and the jokes are still funny in today's world.

5:35 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

I loved watching Red Skelton. Fun to read and laugh all over again. Love the church sign. The apple was just the bait, Adam and Eve decided to partake.

6:15 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

I had not thought of Red Skelton in years. That was my father's favorite show and we always watched it faithfully. I love the funny things on your blog. I live between Frankfort and Lawrenceburg off 127. Thanks for the memories.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Mountain Mama said...

Red Skelton was a great comedian. I wish he was still around to entertain us.
I love your sign. Hee-hee-hee!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

Loved all the cute Red Skelton lines.
His was a never miss show for us!
Your Sunday sign is great (but then I enjoy each one you post)
Have a great week Rachel!
xo

4:41 PM  
Blogger Sonia A. Mascaro said...

The jokes are very funny, Rachel!
I am proud of my English, I can understood and laughed of all them! LOL!

Thanks for your visiting and nice comment!

7:06 PM  
Blogger Peggy said...

I needed to laugh and I sure did reading your jokes and church sign. Thank you

5:40 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

I like your church sign. You find the best! Now if I can just remember it until I need that line.

About your roaches in the beans, I would have said, "No thank you, but would you mind cleaning up this upchuck of mine on the floor. And be careful, there could be some more of those roaches in the beans mixed in down there."
..
I'm glad you liked the award. Your choices are good. Too bad the rules say just five isn't it?
..

12:50 PM  
Blogger Obe's said...

Made my day that was funny thanks I needed that!!
Diane
http://dianobe.blogspot.com/

1:10 PM  
Blogger Granny Annie said...

I can actually hear Red Skelton's voice as I read each joke. It makes me smile.

Re-tailer -- oh so cute.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Cheyenne said...

Great jokes. Yes, I was a huge Red Skelton fan. Especially his Gertrude and Heathcliff routine.
Love the church sign too.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Ladyfromthewoods said...

Hi, Rachael! I found you through Clara and Judy and saw you are only 45 minutes away from me! We live close to Yosemite and Kings Mtn. just North of you. You have a wonderful blog, so cheerful.
Teresa

8:54 AM  
Blogger Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

I remember Red . . . Bless!

9:05 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

Loved your post.

Missed blogging so I am back. lol

Hugs xx

8:07 AM  
Blogger Janell said...

I loved Red Skelton. We always watched him on Sat. night after Lawrence Welk.

And that Sunday sign is SO true!

12:30 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Blogger ate my comments. I think.

The Missus loves Red Skelton. He was an accomplished artist and we have a few of his paintings.

7:21 PM  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

I liked Red Skelton a lot. He was one of my dad's favorite to watch on TV, too!


This was a simpler, more innocent humor!

I miss those old times.


Junie

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Diane said...

Hello and thanks for coming by my blog ,dont feel badly I feel the same I dont buy ((stuff)) anymore like I use to, those chickens have been in the house here for years and years, some were given to me by my MIL and my son who knows I adore them bought me some, and a few were my own.I keep them mostly on the window ledge in the kitchen so the sun shines through them I love the colors,but its the dusting that's the down part....sigh...
Love your blog it makes me smile !
Take care,
Diane
Crafty Passions
http://dianobe.blogspot.com/

7:13 AM  
Blogger Kathleen Marie said...

That sign is priceless! I used to watch Red Skelton with my Dad when I was growing up. He was so funny and what a great artist as well. Love the WalMart joke...So cute!

10:59 AM  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I loved all of your jokes, but those Red Skelton ones were the greatest!

4:53 PM  
Blogger nora said...

Number 7 made me laugh out loud!

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