Thursday, June 01, 2006

Southerness

I got this through an e-mail and thought it post worthy!!

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white , granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road"can be 1 mile or 20. Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we are "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular.... all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows you do not scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for along time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." Bless your hearts... y'all have a blessed day.

15 Comments:

Anonymous Jerry said...

Rachel,
Well that's just great. Bless your pea pickin' little ol' heart.

2:52 AM  
Blogger David said...

You just cannot beat a good southerner - especially southern ladies.

Now my Dad's favorite saying was another from the south - Your eyes look like two fried eggs in a slop bucket.

4:24 AM  
Blogger Dav said...

That was great! Reminded me of my own family from South Carolina. Made me homesick a little. :)

4:46 AM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

I am a southerner at heart. After living in "God's County", Charleston South Carolina for 10 years, I feel like a southerner. Even though I live in yankee land. And I understood your list perfectly.

Have a nice weekend, y'all

6:40 AM  
Anonymous Carolyn said...

Same here. I'm a "midwesterner" -- but your list made perfect sense to me:) Made me smile today. Thanks for sharing.

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Mike (ex scientia) said...

Jerry's comment reminded me of Tennessee Ernie Ford. Remember him, Rachel?

12:50 PM  
Blogger DayByDay4-2Day said...

What? Sugar in iced tea? No way... Must be a Northerener true and true 'cause I didn't understand most of that!

2:05 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

Rachel, have you ever been to "Dew on the Kudzu?" It's a fine Southern blog you might find entertaining enough to bookmark. Those Southerners talk about everything from politics to poke sallet. From tea to Tennessee.

I think you and all your fans will enjoy a leisurely visit over there.
http://todaysdeepsouth.blogspot.com/

I have an article in there somewhere, but I can't remember where. My First Wife is a Southern Girl. I got her out of there as fast as I could. :-)

2:38 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

This was good...I understood most of it...

3:59 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

David, I never heard that one that your Dad said. I don't think that would be a compliment at all!!

Mike, Yeah I remember ET Ford and him blessin everybody's little pea pickin heart!

Paul, Yes I have been to Dew on the Kudzu. It's on my favorites!

6:30 PM  
Blogger Britmum said...

I thought that was brilliant.

9:39 PM  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

That pert near says it all...

I think I'm finally getting the hang of southern slang...but there are still a few things I don't understand. My husband is a true southerner...I'm from California...so it's a bit foreign to me.

10:05 PM  
Blogger doubleknot said...

You just made this old gal remember a lot good things. Sweet tea - the best was when grandma gave it to us kids in those aluminum glasses still warm and sweet poured over ice so you got both tastes at once.
I understood everything on your blog - I do find myself slipping into southern talk and people not understanding.

2:58 AM  
Anonymous Tammy said...

I am obviously not a southerner :( That was cute Rachel! Hope you are having a blessed weekend!

7:54 PM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh this is wonderful! I am not a Southerner, but I sure do love all the southern expressions...
Do you ever say "See you shortly."? Or is that just a Texas expression...!
Bless youre heart, Rachel!

10:22 PM  

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